Burning Down the House

This entry has nothing to do with food, but we've decided to make exceptions for comedies of errors. Our most recent adventure was of the electrical kind.

So, our humble abode boasts three lights - a bathroom light, a central ceiling light, and a closet light - all of which are naked bulbs. But, it's not so simple; only the bathroom light works on command. The closet light switch is stuck in the "on" position and we have to physically unscrew the bulb to turn it off. The central ceiling light has one halogen bulb and two empty fixtures; the main problem with this light is that the switch only sometimes turns it on -- presumably because the wiring in the fixture is corrupt.

Error #1
One evening upon arrival home, the central ceiling bulb flicks on with the switch, flashes, and then refuses to turn back one, leaving us with no choice but to light our room with the closet and bathroom light. We called the landlord's lackey; she came, took a look, and promised to call the electrician (who only works from the afternoon hours of 1 to 5) in the morning.

Error # 2 (same night)
Before bed (since coming to China, we've been retiring around 8pm), Owen went to unscrew the closet light. There was a crack, there was a pop, there was a flash like a 1950s reporter's camera, and then there was darkness intermingled with the scent of burnt halogen. The fan went dead, the TV went black, and we were left in darkness with only our mosquito tent to protect us. Not only was there silence from our room, but an eerie quiet throughout the whole apartment, including the rooms of the other two tenants.

We had two choices: one, go to bed or two, scramble around in the darkness searching for the fusebox. We considered that since the other tenants of the apartment -- local Chinese -- also loss their electricity that it would only be a matter of time before one of them reset the fusebox. We were wrong. After an indeterminate period of darkness, we finally heard commotion and the squeak of a cellphone keypad in the other room. They too called the landlord's lackey, who also came up to aid them. Over the next hour, we fell asleep to the melody of them groping around for the fusebox. When we awoke the next morning, the electricity was still not on.

As promised, the next afternoon the electrician did arrive.

Error #3
The landlord's lackey enlisted a diminutive electrician. In order for him to reach the central light fixture we had to stack a chair on top of our hard Chinese mattress and even then it was a struggle for him to unscrew the fixture. Predictably unstable, Owen had to steady the chair for the hour or so that he worked on it.


Error #4

Needless to say, the electrician was shocked at the shoddy state of the electrical fixtures that surely would not even pass the lax standards of the Chinese building code. Still, with a little electrical tape and a lot of ingenuity, he was able to patch together a few wires and restore one of the three fixtures for the central ceiling light.

Nothing that a little ingenuity and cooperation can't fix